Ahmaud Arbery Was Here

As I sit down to write this post I have no idea which direction it is going to go.

Every night I set the mental timer and free write to you (and myself) for an hour. The thoughts and words tend to follow one another and fill in the story and the space on the screen in a somewhat orderly and coherent manner.

These last few days my thoughts and emotions have been all over the board. They are tripping and stumbling and falling over one another. So bear with me as I word vomit through this and be patient in the days and weeks to come because I am going to be wrestling with this for a long time to come.

Ahmaud Arbery.

Ahmaud Arbery would have turned 26 today. Instead of a party, he got a rally. Instead of the birthday song, he got chants for justice. Instead of becoming a year older, he became a hashtag.

Ahmaud Arbery.

Ahmaud Arbery was out for a jog, over the bridge and about 15 minutes from where I live. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time in the wrong color skin.

Ahmaud Arbery.

Ahmaud Arbery drew the attention of the wrong people, was chased by men in trucks, boxed in and executed in cold blood in a quiet, dreamy subdivision lined with elegant old trees.

Ahmaud Arbery.

Ahmaud Arbery was roughly two years older than my son who turns 24 tomorrow. My son, who even though he is a man, married and on his own, is still my baby. My son, who I worried about, for many reasons every time he left the house, but not once did I worry, at the door, as he rushed out that his skin would make him a target.

Ahmaud Arbery.

Ahmaud Arbery who was his mother’s baby even though he was grown. Ahmaud Arbery who had his life ahead of him. Ahmaud Arbery who mattered and was important and was a real person.

Ahmaud Arbery.

There are a lot of layers to this story but I can only speak to what I know and what I have seen first hand.

My husband and I drove out to where Ahmaud was killed; Satilla Shores, a small unincorporated area just outside of Brunswick. I wanted to see the area. I NEEDED to see the area. I had to be in that space to try to make sense out of it all. But there is no sense to be made. The cheery sunny street, lined with cheery sunny houses does not meld with the narrative, is not the backdrop you would imagine for a story with such a grim ending.

What stood out to me most were the trees. The magnificent, majestic Live Oak I love most about this area,were witness, for not the first time in history, to the worst in mankind. These trees that can ward off hurricanes and soften the blow of nature could not shield Ahmaud from his fellow man; humans being more dangerous than any storm.

There are politics at play that I haven’t been here long enough to understand so I won’t attempt to a address them.

As Mayor Harvey said, this happened outside of our city but in our community, and our community is horrified. Our community is outraged and sickened and angry and grieving.

There was a rally today. Ahmaud’s birthday. There was a run ahead of the rally, 2.23 miles, a reminder of the date he was murdered, a reminder of justice delayed. One of our neighbors purchase 1,000 entries and then gave them away. Everyone showed up.

The rally (masks were encouraged and worn and handed out by the local hospital) was peaceful. There were many signs and banners, one held by a very old man who made his way across the grass in halting, careful step, summed it up perfectly and simply said “It is not ok to kill people.” Amen to that.

The message reiterated over and over and over again by every speaker from grassroots organizations, to the NAACP, to members of Amaud’s own family was that this may have been a racially motivated attack, but this is not a racially divided community.

This is a community that is diverse in many ways and a community that is better because of it. This is a community unified in the quest for justice.

Justice for Ahmaud Arbery.

As I have been told by many a self help book, it is good to say the name of the dead. To give them life by speaking to and of them.

So I say his name again lest we forget it.

Ahmaud.

Ahmaud Arbery was here.