A friend of mine lost a pet recently.

It was an “exotic” animal (guinea pig) that of course got sick over the weekend which meant there were little to no options available when it came to seeking medical assistance.

Sadly the tiny creature did not survive until Monday, leaving a large void and an even larger sense of guilt in my friend’s heart.

The “I should haves” and “Why didn’t I s” erasing years and years of love and care provided and leaving my friend feeling like “the worst.”

She stated as much on social media.

Stepped forward and admitted her shortcomings for all of the world to see.

Self flagellated in front of God and cyberspace.

Perhaps she wanted redemption.

Perhaps persecution.

People are complicated and it is not always clear what they need in order to feel absolved.

And that is the point right?

Absolution.

The thing the rest of us are taxed with.
To soothe and assuage.
To accuse and condemn.

To do what is needed to help the person feeling guilt move on.

Because guilt is messy and we all want to clean it up and move on before it rises to the hem of our pants, weighs us down and pulls us under as well.

People who responded to her admission took the least messy route.

They chimed in with the expected chorus of “You couldn’t have known” and “You did all you could do.” “Don’t be so hard on yourself” and “Give yourself a break.”

Playing devil’s advocate, I chose to view things from the opposite shore.

I wondered (to myself of course,) if perhaps allowing my friend to wallow in guilt was actually the best thing for her.

I wondered if maybe we are too quick to clean up emotions that are ugly and shameful and uncomfortable.

Wondered if coming to the “circle” and admitting what she felt was a shortcoming was her way of saying she needed to feel the guilt and wallow in her perceived failings with the safety net of those she trusted around her to pull her back in if she wandered too far in.

I wondered if perhaps the “lesson” in all of this wasn’t “To learn the signs of illness and educate others” or “Not to be so hard on yourself” but to feel the “bad” emotions.

To feel them strong and feel them deep.

I wondered, if perhaps, the lesson was meant to benefit someone else.

If perhaps my friend was meant to feel all of these negative emotions so that she may extend grace and forgiveness to someone else at some point in time.

So that she may be able to put herself in someone else’s place at some time in the future, to realize fully the weight and enormity of their situation, be their safety net; allow them to wallow and wade, stray into “uncomfortable “ depths, allow their feet to no longer touch solid ground and then, extend them grace, show them the sky and allow them to fly.