Christmas is my least favorite holiday.

This makes me unpopular in many circles.

I am not overly religious and the commercialization, coupled with unrealistic expectations and early advertising start time, really puts a damper on the whole season.

It ends up being months and months and months and months of stress and number juggling; of second guessing and squabbling, of feeling inferior and apologetic for not being able to meet manufactured expectations.

It is the only time of year when my husband and I truly dislike each other.

It is the time of year when one of us (me) marches around like a drill Sargent demanding input on gifts and signatures on cards, shooing cats out of trees and cleaning up broken ornaments. While the other (him) just wants to relax and enjoy the season, oblivious to the mechanics involved in pulling the whole thing off.

It leads to to harsh words and hurt feelings, all in the glow of of TV commercials promising the best deals on all of the “must have items to make your holiday complete.”

I thought maybe this year would be different.

The year when the whole world changed and we reprioritized our values.

I thought maybe this was the year we would realize what was really important.

Until…..I saw a Christmas tree go up right after Halloween.

Saw a news story about people losing their homes…..sponsored by Audi; “Wouldn’t you love to wrap your hands around our heated steering wheel?”

My heart sealed up and was bitter.

My resolve against Christmas was redoubled and fortified.

I was ready to write it off for good and forever…until the holly appeared.

Unassuming and without ask or want.

The festive ribbons and bows.

The stained glass lit from within filling me with a feeling close to hope.

While the children clamored for Santa at the annual parade, the noise growing deafening, parents taking a breath and holding it; I felt drawn to the silence of the night.

Felt a tightening in my chest that was more relief than anxiety, and felt just a fraction closer to understanding it all…..